I used to really dread calling my mom on the phone.
Now, I would give anything to be able to hear her voice. It wouldn’t matter what she said, or what she would do.
My mom’s anger and frustration was one of the worst things in the world to me. I avoided it at all costs.
Now, I would give anything to see her angry or frustrated. Just to see her.
I would take her and all that she was and cherish it. Every part.
It feels like she’s been gone forever, and yet like she’s right there. Just a phone call away.
Her number is still in my cell phone.
I called it tonight. Just wondering. Just wondering if it would go to her voice mail and I could hear her voice. But it has been disconnected.
And so … I end this saying, daughters … be good to your mothers… because some things just aren’t as big a deal as we make them. Because there are worse things than an angry or frustrated mother. There are worse things than petty arguments. Here me when I say this, there are things far, far worse…
And I have seen them.
And I would gladly go back to what she and I had because, looking back, it wasn’t that bad afterall.
In fact, it was pretty great. Cause she was here.
Katie, I think when we lose our mom, even though for me anyway, it didn’t seem as bad as when I lost my husband and my son, we still think about them almost every day. My mom has been gone about seven years now, and there are still times when I reach for the phone to call her. In fact just recently when I heard the bad news about Stephen being diagnosed as having CHF, I actually did pick up the phone to call and cry to her about it, but then in only a few seconds, I remembered that I no longer had the “ear” there for me. I was the talker and she was the ear. When I was growing up, I could tell her anything and ask her all sorts of questions and she always tried to give me the answer, although at times I think my “deep questions” embrassed her. I have felt alone almost 17 years since my hubby died, but after mom died, I now feel so very very alone.
Hi Katie, I can only imagine what an empty hole there must be in your life after your mother. I lost my father when I was 19, very inexpectedly, and I still sort of haven’t understood what happened and THAT it happened. I just know that the autopsy (he died at home) said he got myocarditis but in my heart or mind, I just don’t get it.
My mother and stepfather are getting older and I dread the day when something worse than diabetes and fibromyalgia will happen to them.. thanks for a good reminder, I’ve grown closer to my mother lately which I’m very happy about.
Katie this blog is so beautifully written. I suffer some of the same things you do. I would love to have a conversation with my mother. There are many things I would like to ask her. My consolation is that I know where she is! Love G’ma