He who promised is faithful

I had another dream about my mom last night.

My phone rang. It was her. “My flight just got in at the airport. Can you come pick me up?” When I arrived, she was sitting at a picnic table in the sun. I wrapped my arms around her slowly, holding her for a very long time. Then Nick was there, and he said, “Wow, Dawn. You look so great. You can’t even tell that you once had cancer.” And I just held her and held her, as if it had been a very long time.

Thanks to God, who in His graciousness and great great love for me, lets me embrace my mom every once in a while. And you dreamers know that sometimes it’s as good as the real thing.

Nick and I married young. We were 21 and I don’t regret it. We were both in college full time and working and didn’t have much.  My mom used to always say that God owned all the cattle on a thousand hills, and that if we had need, she would just ask him to sell one for us. This was one of her most frequent sayings to me  throughout the years, throughout the ups and downs, whenever I would worry…

Last spring, she and I were talking on the phone. I don’t remember much, except for her again reminding me about all the cattle on a thousand hills…

This week we had tons of people at our house. And we didn’t run out of anything. We were blessed by the dinners and desserts made for us by friends and family that just “felt like cooking”. We were given a turkey, and my dad filled up the fridge and cupboards to feed the “hungry hoard” staying with us. Thanksgiving left us with tons of leftovers. When I had thought we would run out, our food supply just kept running over. Literally.

And then Friday evening, some friends showed up with a grocery bag. Full. Of farm raised beef. They said they had been given too much and needed to get rid of some. So I made space in my freezer, stepped back, and realized…

Someone had given us a cow. Literally.

“For all the animals of the forest are mine. And I own the cattle on a thousand hills. Every bird of the mountain and all the animals of the field belong to me. If I were hungry, I would not mention it to you, for all the world is mine and everything in it. I don’t need the bulls you sacrifice, and I don’t need the blood of goats. What I want instead is your true thanks to GOD; I want you to fulfill your vows to the Most High. Trust Me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory ” Psalm 50:10-15

For He is a good God.

 

 

A story of rescue… part 2

Imagine if Snow White had woken up from the prince’s kiss of life and said, “I don’t really like your clothes. I think I’ll keep looking.” Or if Sleeping Beauty had spurned her prince after he fought Malificent, the terrifying dragon. “Thank you for risking your life, but I’m just not ready for that type of commitment. Find me in a few years.” What if Jasmine had toyed with Aladdin, back and forth, saying, “Today I’ll be yours. Tomorrow… not sure.”

Those responses would have changed everything. And how would it have changed our perception of the princes if they had been okay with such mediocrity?

There’s something very unappealing about someone who wont stick up for themselves. Who doesn’t demand a certain level of respect.  It seems more appropriate that Prince Charming would have said, “I don’t think so. This is my love. Take it or leave it. But you may not just take me off the shelf when you need me, and put me back up there when you don’t want me.”

And would we have faulted them for that? Absolutely not. None of us want to be treated that way.  We want all or nothing, because that in- between stuff hurts worse than anything else.  Even the Bible tells us that being lukewarm is the worst thing to be.

So why would we expect anything less from God? Do we want a God that doesn’t care if we want to roll around in our own filth? Do we want a God that is fine with us choosing just any old way to get to Him? On our own time?

That’s no kind of marriage at all. When I gave Nick my heart, it was all of it or none of it. He didn’t get to pick and choose what parts of me he wanted, and what parts he wanted to get rid of. He didn’t get to mold me and fashion me into something different. I was who I was. And I demanded all of him in return. I wouldn’t share then and I wont share now. And you know what? It’s worth it.

God doesn’t share. He wants all of your heart. Sure enough He’s always there, ready to welcome us back with open arms. But if we mess up, we still got to deal with what we did. If we roll in the mud, we still have to take a bath. If we jump off that cliff, we still have to land, be taken to the hospital, and heal from the broken bones. Sometimes when He takes away our blindness… we have to walk around with the mud in our eyes for a little while… Not because He’s cruel, but because He loves us. He is that shepherd…

If we’re honest with ourselves, that’s the kind of love we want. That’s the kind of God we want. A God that will fight for us, a God that is jealous for us, a God that will help us get out of that mess… one. step. at. a. time.  A God that wont get pushed around, a God that knows His way is the right way and warns us so that we don’t waste our time. A God that is gentle when we come back with bruises and scars, and says, “Will you let me heal you now?”

It’s all for love.

For a God that already gave everything to rescue us. The rescue has happened. And, as absurd as it sounds, some of us are still running away, back up to that tower, behind the locked doors, saying, “I don’t want to be rescued.”

Or even, “You didn’t rescue me the way I wanted to be rescued.”

This is the One we have waited for… Jesus, Lord and Savior.

Oh my friends… when Love Himself knocks on your door, don’t be the foolish one to say, “Not now. Come back later.”

 

 

 

 

 

Destiny’s story. A story of life.

Today, I am sharing with you all something that a friend of mine has written. Her name is Destiny and I met her in college in 2000 when I moved into the dorms. She lived in the room next to mine and is someone I will always consider friend. Her life is a testimony of God’s love and faithfulness. Here is one small, but monumental, part of her life story. This is not a story of condemnation or guilt, but rather a story of God’s will, which is so far above our own, and a story about how His ways are higher than ours. Faith is the substance of things unseen.

“My mother was only 19 years old and pregnant again.  She was six months along in her pregnancy and already had several ultrasounds for some developmental problems the fetus seemed to be showing.  At six months of pregnancy, they were able to see the fetus more clearly and called her with the news.  “You need to come to my office.” The Dr. solemnly stated.

She went to the Doctor’s office in a hurry, by herself.  The Doctor delivered the news, “This fetus is not viable.  It is severely mentally retarded and malnourished and will not be able to live outside the womb.  Even if it does live, it will not have a good quality of life.  We will have to perform a therapeutic abortion.”  The method used was to give the mother a saline abortion that basically chemically burned the fetus to death and it was then delivered, dead.  Of course, the details are never given to the mother.  No sense burdening her with that information when she is already struggling with “choices.” Therapeutic was a fancy word used to make the mother feel better and the insurance company cover all costs, since this would be a late term abortion.  We use fancy words to cover up evil everyday. “Pro-choice” sounds much better than “murder”.

“No, it’s my baby. I still want to keep it!” My mother said feeling a variety of emotions.

“What?!  No, you’re being selfish.  It will need all sorts of care…” He said with forceful anger.

Handicapped or not, alive for only a few moments or a few months, my Mom did not care.  She would not take part in murdering a child that carried half her DNA and currently resided in the safe refuge of her womb.  She left the office in tears and cried all the way home.

My mother delivered the fetus that ended up becoming a baby (turns out, if left untouched, all fetuses become babies!  A miracle really).  And although some would say she has a larger then normal head (more figuratively than physically), she’s pretty normal.  She currently resides in the city of Lockport, married with three children and college educated.  And I for one am happy my mother “chose” to keep me.”

 

Destiny with her husband.

Love, mom.

Mothers be good to your daughters …. part 2

I used to really dread calling my mom on the phone.

Now, I would give anything to be able to hear her voice. It wouldn’t matter what she said, or what she would do.

My mom’s anger and frustration was one of the worst things in the world to me. I avoided it at all costs.

Now, I would give anything to see her angry or frustrated. Just to see her.

I would take her and all that she was and cherish it. Every part.

It feels like she’s been gone forever, and yet like she’s right there. Just a phone call away.

Her number is still in my cell phone.

I called it tonight. Just wondering. Just wondering if it would go to her voice mail and I could hear her voice. But it has been disconnected.

And so … I end this saying, daughters … be good to your mothers… because some things just aren’t as big a deal as we make them. Because there are worse things than an angry or frustrated mother. There are worse things than petty arguments. Here me when I say this, there are things far, far worse…

And I have seen them.

And I would gladly go back to what she and I had because, looking back, it wasn’t that bad afterall.

In fact, it was pretty great. Cause she was here.

Mothers be good to your daughters…

If there were credentials for writing this, I would have them:

1. I was a daughter before I was anything else.

2. I am a mother to daughters.

3. I have lost a mother.

These things have everything to do with who I am today. And everything to do with where I’m coming from in this post.

Words have the power of life and death.

My mother affirmed me every day. She told me she loved me, that God loved me, and that God had a purpose for my life. She spoke meaning into my life. She identified my giftings and my strengths. So even when she had a bad day or a bad moment and said something she shouldn’t have said to me, those negative words fell upon a life that had already been cultivated with words of love and purpose. So … I knew that she was just having a bad day and that it wasn’t a real reflection of me.

Do you hear what I’m trying to say?

If I could be granted any wish, it would be that I never said anything to hurt my kids, and that I never failed them. I’m aware of how powerful my roll is in their life and I want to do the best I can do. But by the grace of God go I . . .

This blessing of children is the strangest mixture of purpose and grace and mercy that I have ever experienced.

The power and responsibility that God has given me in these two little lives. These two little girls that will one day be mothers of their own, reflecting what I have taught them. Their children reflecting to their children, and so on through the generations.

As a mother, I have the power to affect a generation.

The greatest gift my mom gave me was knowing that I was loved and had a purpose. This is what got me through peer pressure. The knowledge of something greater, something beyond myself. Of God and His purpose.  This is what got me through painful breakups. I had hope beyond today. I knew that God had a plan beyond what I could see. This is how I was able to hold her hand and release her to Jesus on May 18th. This is why I was able to wake up the next morning, take care of my children, my father, my husband, my sisters. This is why I am here today serving the Lord.

Perhaps I would have found my own way down this path, searching after Christ and His truths. But thank God my mother was obedient and revealed the things of heaven to me from day one of my life and every day after. Hear me. She wasn’t perfect. And she knew it better than anyone else. This isn’t about her mistakes.

It was about the life she spoke into me.

Thankfully, she never spoke words of death. She never called me names. She didn’t tear me down. And if she said ,”You’re just like your father” she meant it in a good way.

Mothers, there is so much life that God wants to birth through us, and I’m not speaking about labor. Will you purpose along with me to speak life to your children, to your husband? Instead of saying, “What’s wrong with you?” Ask yourself, “Why is he/she acting that way?” Instead of thinking, “How can I stop that behavior?” Instead ask, “Why is this really happening?”

Sometimes it’s not about crushing an action. Sometimes it’s about revealing what is hidden.

And sometimes it’s about asking for forgiveness. Even from our children.

… to be continued.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

a story of rescue . . . part 1.

                                     SHREK
                         Are you Princess Fiona?

                                     FIONA
                         I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to
                         rescue me.

                                     SHREK
                         Oh, that's nice. Now let's go!

                                     FIONA
                         But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our
                         first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful,
                         romantic moment?

                                     SHREK
                         Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time.

I love the movie Shrek. I love this moment. Fiona, so distracted by her notions of what she thinks her rescue should be like, that she doesn’t seem to care about how long and hard Shrek searched to find her, or that the door to her tower prison has finally been unlocked, or that there is a dragon below fighting to keep her caged. Nope. She just wants it to be romantic.

But isn’t rescue in and of itself romantic enough?

I’m sadly aware of the times when I have told Jesus that I didn’t want to do it His way. And I hear this a lot from people. Cause His way isn’t fun, it isn’t clean, it isn’t quick, it isn’t easy. We want a rescue from our own personal prison in a tower to be romantic. We want to escape from reality.

But the reality is this: Jesus walked a long way. Through the metaphorical fields of distance, climbing the hills built by our despair, scaling the mountains through the scent of our agony and pain, and crossing the bridge that we, or someone else, strung over waves of hot lava, the consequences of decisions made. He took each and every stone stair that wound up and around to the top of the tower, took the key from his robe and unlocked the door.  He opened it and said, “I have come to free you, my beloved.”

Did we run to Him and let Him guide us by the hand back down the stairs, through the castle, past the dragon, and start the long journey back home? Or did we say, “This isn’t romantic enough”?

And you know I’m not really talking about romance. I’m talking more about our own perceptions.

It’s really hard to walk back down the tower, to race past the dragon that’s lurking, that chases, calling our name, trying to lure us back with fear, and then with the enticement of whatever it was that locked us up in the first place. Or perhaps someone else locked us up, and we just don’t know anything other than that tower prison.

We get to the rickety bridge, swaying over the lava, and Jesus says, “Trust me.”

Again, what is our response? Do we trust Him, or do we throw His rescue back in His face cause He’s not doing it our way. Because it’s taking too long. Because we want a quick fix.

Sometimes it happens quickly, a healing of the miraculous.

And sometimes, we have to walk through the smoke and the brimstone and the stank for a while. Cause our rescue doesn’t come on our terms. It’s comes on His. And rightfully it should be.

The rescuer determines the path, for He is the One that came all this way to find us. He knows the obstacles, He knows the dangers, He knows the way back. We have no other choice to listen.

And if we don’t, we are fools.

If you dare, read Isaiah 40…

ps. Please help my friends out. Go to Earth Monkey Moms on my blog roll for more info.

 

In Jesus’ name.

This isn’t for anyone in particular. It’s just here. It’s a statement. A banner. And the spiritual realm doesn’t need an announcement.

God, You are my fortress. My tower. My advocate.

I claim the blood of Jesus Christ on my home, my family, my heart.

You, oh Lord, are King.

 

In Christ alone, my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My comforter, my all-in-all
Here in the love of Christ I stand

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious day
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand

AMEN

 

In Christ alone.

I started this week off so ready to run this marathon called New Testament November. Remember how I said that day two and three would be great???? Ugh. What a week this has been. Feels like everything that could go wrong has. We’re exhausted emotionally and physically.

I can’t imagine how much worse it would have been had I not been anchored in the Word of God. That doesn’t mean I didn’t make mistakes. Hahaha… I wish. Nope, it just means that I recognized my bad attitude. It means my brain didn’t stay settled in anxiety for very long. But there were moments. Oh my. Just ask Nick.

But the hope that Jesus offers says to us that we don’t have to stay there. Stuck in the mire. There’s more. This is not the end. Today, there’s another option.

There’s a daily chance to rise up and say that, no, we’re not going to wallow in our old selves. Nope. We’re gonna tell that “old self” to be quiet, and let our spirit talk more loudly. Or the voice of Christ. The voice of truth.

So… let’s try this again.

Do me a favor, copy and paste the below link into your browser. I promise, again, that it will be worth your time. Push play and listen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ky5rAgjLEAI&feature=related

Or… click on “Owl City” on my blog roll and scroll down till you see “My Hope is Found” and push play.

Loving the one you’re with…

Here’s my post for today, but you’ll have to read it over at this amazing site : http://www.earthmonkeymoms.com/2010/11/loving-one-youre-with.html. And this one is all about “Loving the one you’re with…”

I am apart of an incredible community over at http://www.earthmonkeymoms.com. These moms face life with young kids with humor, faith, and encouragement. They’ll make you laugh, cry, and and feel every other emotion as you read through their weekly writings on their adventures with their kiddos and men and everything in between. I urge you to subscribe to their blog, or to check in three times a week, or daily (like me). They’re also working on launching a line of echo friendly baby products!!!

For some strange reason they asked me to be a guest contributor today. I feel so honored. Please go check it out, and while you’re there read some of their other stuff. You will be blessed by these ladies, I PROMISE!  I know I already have been.

Also, they’re the finalists of “The Bump’s” annual contest for favorite blog. If you’ve got time, head on over to their blog (in my blog roll) and vote. Thanks!

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Earth Monkeys was created by real moms…and we’re excited to launch our new line of eco-friendly baby/toddler aka “monkey” accessories. The bibs, paci-pacs and porta pads are light weight and easy to take on the go and are a more environmentally friendly choice against the disposable alternative offered by large diaper brands.

Mission:

Serve moms with great on the go gear that is CUTE and eco-friendly!

Products:

On-the-go accessories to make your life a little easier… sneak peak coming soon!